A glimpse into my son’s brain…

Yesterday Keilan and I were chatting about his upcoming Equine Therapy course.  I was asking him if he was excited about it. 

To back up a step, this equine therapy is a 9 week or something class that helps teach self control and emotional health and well being and basically continues to help him learn skills to make better choices from his ADHD.  I’m super excited for this class foe him  

His thoughtful response surprised me a bit.  Partly because it reminded me that he’s not so little anymore, now that’s he’s in the 4th grade; and partly because of the amount of thoughtfulness.  His response made it clear to me that he had thought a lot about this before I even asked the question.  

Often I get frustrated by his repetitive bad choices.  But his response again reminded me that as much as I get frustrated by his behaviour choices, I am not alone. He too is frustrated by his own behaviour choices.  This isn’t a perspective I often think of or remember.  I tend to fall into the category of getting upset with his intentional bad choices.  The fact that he actually doesn’t always like his own choices doesn’t often occur to me.  His ADHD often controls and leads his poor choices and I forget this.  I forget sometimes that he’s come a long ways in his journey of self awareness and self control and emotional health.  Yes, he has a long ways to go, but he’s come a far ways down his road already.  

Back to his comment.

He replied to me that he loved horses and he was super excited to get to go to horse school.  He said he also really wished I could go horse back riding with him again.  And he then told me that he was happiest about his horse therapy classes because it would mean that when he finished he could return to Kung Fu and because he would be better able to control his emotions and actions he would have more fun and be able to finally get a new belt.  Then he told me that his big plan was to do good in his class and learn to control his emotions and actions so he could succeed at Kung Fu and then he would get stronger and be happier and then he could go back in swimming lessons and he would be more successful than last time.

Part of me was shocked by his response.  Part of me was proud.  Part of me was sad.  He carries the weight of his poor choices much more than I realized.  He dislikes them as much or more than me.  I just have to try to remember that when he’s in the middle of making one and I’m trying to help him not and his ODD is in high gear.  

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