I have been struggling for a few weeks. Life is just difficult. Rejection is ripe. And failure is prominent and predominant.
Last night I walked into the kitchen at 5:45. It was a disaster. I had to clean it before I could even think about dinner. Forget multitasking.
By the time I cleaned the kitchen it was 6:40. Then I pulled out the plan for dinner.
Chicken. The frozen chicken I hadn’t pulled out or put on to cook. Excellent.
So I came up with plan B. Pizza.
By now it was 7pm.
As I stood at the counter looking at the ingredients I’d already struggled to gather together..my hands shook.
My help came in my daughter. She helped me make the dough and put on the toppings.
Then I realized we had no cheese. Luckily Jason was out and brought us some after 8 when he got home. Dinner was at 8:45.
Jason may be unemployed in days or he may not be. Keilan is having a particularly rough go. And Kieran’s friend just died.
So, the REAL reason we are staying home this weekend….Kieran needs to be at the gathering for his friend and his funeral the following day. So Friday and Saturday are filled. Of course a couple weeks ago I didn’t know this. But God did.
I did get through the evening and even managed to squeeze in some substantial prayer time.
I know that everything is new each morning. And I know that I don’t have burdens to carry, because God wants to carry them for me.
So this weekend we are home. We have goodbyes to say. And I honestly need 4 days with no phone calls from the school.
And last night when I was out of ideas for how to help my son….well today is a new day and I’ve been given a couple more…
Today I did several important but often forgotten or ignored tasks.
I decided it was the day to pamper the machines that make my life bearable!
The very idea of doing laundry by hand….overwhelming!
So, today I cleaned out the washer filter. It was SO gross! It gets done every few months….but clearly not at all over the summer!
I also ran a tub clean on the washer.
And I took the lint filter out and gave it a real cleaning. I mean I wipe the lint out after every load. But I took a scrubber and really scrubbed it clean. I think it should make it more efficient. It took a lot of scrubbing but it came quite clean. I didn’t even realize how dirty it actually was!
I then took a chopstick and cleaned out all the accumulated lint in the lint trap that you see in this picture.
So, my washer and dryer have had a real pampering today…and they can keep on spinning!
I always said I wouldn’t be one of those middle age people who criticize the younger for what or how they are doing things.
But, it’s happened. No, I don’t criticize anyone. I just bite my tongue. Sometimes really hard. I am extremely careful about what and how I say things.
But in my head I want to scream…you aren’t reinventing the wheel. I did that with my kids 16 years ago and my parents did it with me! I often think….don’t say a word. This person is NOT you. Just because you could and did do something with your little ones doesn’t mean they can or should or need to.
But I have to admit, it annoys me. It annoys me LOT! But I sit back and silently watch and very carefully don’t comment. I remember the negative parenting comments we got.
We sure didn’t parent with the flow. In loads of ways we were ahead of times. Attachment parenting….we were the weird people doing it. We had to look high and low to find a sling. No one carried them. Pretty much no one used them. Now they teach classes on it at the local Healthcare center. We definitely parent to the beat of our drum and often were and are criticized for it. So I may THINK critical thoughts, but I won’t voice them to you.
Cloth diapers…we were the crazy ones doing them. None of our friends or parents in the mom and tot groups were using them.
Gender neutral toys…I had them and my kids had them. And still the boys wanted the “boy” toys and the girls the “girl” toys. Same as me as a little girl.
After all I’m just the crazy mother of 5…3 of them teenagers. What would I possibly know about babies and toddlers and small children. It was SO long ago since my kids were that age…
So, to anyone I disregarded disrespectfully or may have made feel their experience didn’t matter….I’m sorry.
Even now I try to listen respectfully to other people’s ideas and suggestions as to how to parent my teens and especially how to deal with my unruly 7 year old.
And I will just continue to nod and smile and bite my tongue and only offer advice when asked for it…
Today I had a “ahaa” moment.
Some people have natural and easy breaks worked into their days. Mine doesn’t.
If you are a smoker noone questions you when you go for a smoke break.
If you are a coffee drinker few questions are asked when you take a coffee break.
However, have you tried to just stand around and do nothing?
If you drink tea it’s kind of expected that you would sit down for a couple of minutes and enjoy it.
Here’s the thing….I don’t smoke or drink tea or coffee. And taking a break to do nothing just isn’t me.
So….I say all of non smokers and non caffeineators…we should unite and revolt!
I say everyday we stand around or sit down and do absolutely NOTHING during the 15 minute coffee break. And DARE someone to say something!
Of course, for me that means making myself sit down somewhere for a few minutes and not do anything….for the express reason of…not doing anything….
Here it is a week until school starts and I still don’t know where I am sending our little guy for grade 2.
I desperately want to keep him where he is at, but for so many many reasons I just don’t think it’s going to work for him.
I am SO torn as to if I give it one final chance and let him start at his current school and if it isn’t working then move him in a few weeks.
But as much as I hope it’ll work I really just see indicator after indicator that it isn’t going to be his best fit.
I am so torn. If I move him I no longer drive him to and from school. We may have to spend money on before and after school care. I won’t have the connections to the other parents and his friends that I do as a bus driver at his school.
I will sacrifice so much to move him. But what he gains could be so much more.
So, this week I have 4 schools to call. And Friday jason and I will hopefully go visit a couple.
I don’t know….when does plan B become plan A…..I just don’t know. But we are about to find out.
Thursday or Friday our teacher should call. I still don’t know who his teacher is. I’ve asked for a meeting and keep getting put off. I guess if that teacher isn’t willing to partner with us and utilize our knowledge and understanding of our son to help facilitate a successful classroom environment, then it will be plan B.
Everyone has an answer, and yet I am still not at peace with any of the options….