This summer my mother in law had the opportunity to take a bible class from her brother at Millar College of the Bible, where he is a professor. In order for this to happen she needed transportation. I offered to take her. So Kianna and Keilan and I went to Pambrun Saskatchewan with my mother in law. The drive wasn’t too bad anyways.But the stay at her brother and sister in law’s was so great! They were terrific hosts and we had such a fantastic visit with them.As it turned out I ended up joining my mom and auditing the course with her. Uncle Ed was a great teacher and his course was really well done! As it turned out the college had sleepover sports camps so both kids attended one. Kianna did a volleyball camp and keilan a sports camp. Both kids had a great time and learned a lot about God to, not to mention getting better at their sportAfter the week there we leisurely drove north to green lake. Along the way we stopped to shop and at several very old churches that we saw. It was a pleasant drive full of talk and laughter! Seriously though, where do some people get the names they name of places! We had a lot of laughs for sure!Upon arriving here my mother in law’s sister and brother in law welcomes.ed is in their extremely generous fashion! The kids and I got to stay in the little cabin, which we absolutely love!Our uncle fixed up a couple bikes for the kids and took them quading. Kianna learned to drive one and she says she is a good driver!It is so fantastic to be with family who takes so much time to spend with us and the kids! The love and care we have gotten is amazing!
Well my last post was about how our youngest son wasn’t going to sleepover camp this year and how upset he was about it.
It was also about how upset I was about it too.
I drove my mother-in-law to Saskatchewan to a tiny town so she could take a bible course this week that her brother was teaching. So kianna and keilan and I went with my mother in law and we are staying with her lovely brother and his wife.
To make a long story short, uncle Ed asked if my kids would like to go to sports camp this week. I assumed it was a church day daycamp.
Infact my uncle is a professor at Millar college of the Bible and the sports campus are sleepover camps.
So Kianna is in a week long volleyball camp. And Keilan is in a 3 day and 2 night sport camp. So he gets to sleep over. And he’s only a couple of blocks from where I’m staying.
I think it’s a perfect fit and he gets to go to camp.
So in the end it all worked out.
I haven’t written a blog in a long time. Frankly I haven’t written because often I find myself barely treading water, when it comes to raising Keilan.
The latest is keeping my son from summer sleepover camp. I think with the right support he could and would thrive. But, unlike with any of my other children, I have to think of every possible outcome with him. How will he possibly react to some unknown issue. How will people around him react to his reaction. Will the leaders around him be able to stop and bring him down from a reaction before it even happens, or will they react to it in a way that escalates him and his reaction.
This year I just don’t feel like he is in a place that I can send him to the sleepover camp. At least not with all of the leadership that is in place. The truth is his older brother is there too and he is as much of the problem as keilan is. Kieran just has a way of irritating Keilan and pushing him into a negative reaction. So, if Karyssa was at the camp volunteering I’d send him in a second. She can almost always calm him down. But with Kieran being there and the combination of certain leadership I just can’t send him.
Keilan is terribly disappointed and mad at me. And frankly it is yet another example of how being mom, teacher, advocate for him…sucks. I am the bad guy. I’m always the bad guy.
Many days I long to just be mom. No other hats. No other responsibilities. No other reasons to have to consider which make me always the bad guy.
So, here I sit…filled with guilt for decisions I am forced to make and really really don’t want to make. But afraid of the consequences of I don’t make these choices.
For our family this year has been a long one and a really fantastic one. It has been full of firsts nd milestones and highlights.
Our oldest son Kieran graduated from high school and also started Bible college. He has successfully cash flowed and completed his first semester. He is looking forward to working lots over Christmas break abd cash flowing his second semester. He has learned lots and grown. In fact today he successfully gave his first commumion meditation at church.
Katarina continues to play percussion and thrive in school. She is on honor roll and does extremely well at school. She excels at everything she does. She attained her purle belt in kung fu this spring and she is on course to have almost all of her requirements for graduation done by the end of this year. This will allow her to take numerous university credit classes in her 12th grade year.
Karyssa has really come into her own and blossomed this year. She too would be on honor roll, if it existed anymore. She just successfully attained her purple belt in kung fu today. She is also still playing percussion and we had the enjoyment of seeing her wonderful band concert last week.
Kianna has really grown this year in confidence ans skills. She has gotten such a great handle on her school work and her hard work has paid off in her marks anf confidence. She is on school coumcil and loves being a leader and helping to make decisions.
At the end of this school year we will also end our time there. Our four oldest kids have gone through there. We started in the school in 2002 when I started driving for the school. So this year is full of many lasts there as well. It is bittersweet to see my kids grow up and it will be sad to no longer be a part of this school community which has been such an enourmous part of of lives for the last 15 consecutive years!
Keilan continues to homeschool. He is super excited to have a real bedroom with a door and real walls. He is always on the go and there is never a dull moment when he’s around!
As for our family in general…this year saw the death of my little black honda. But she had served us well and lived a very long life with over 400,000 km she didnt owe us anything!
Sadly we lost Jason’s dad this spring. But we have been able to spend more time with his mom. And we had a terrific time visiting Jason’s aunt and uncle with his mom and we hope to go back again this year.
We also bought our first home. We were able to build a home that suits our family perfectly and in a neighborhood that will be an amazing place to live. We LOVE our new home. From the moment we moved in we felt at home. We also built a full seperate legal basement suite which Kieran and his friend live in. It is great to be able to help our children to grow up in a safe way.
Yesterday Keilan and I were chatting about his upcoming Equine Therapy course. I was asking him if he was excited about it.
To back up a step, this equine therapy is a 9 week or something class that helps teach self control and emotional health and well being and basically continues to help him learn skills to make better choices from his ADHD. I’m super excited for this class foe him
His thoughtful response surprised me a bit. Partly because it reminded me that he’s not so little anymore, now that’s he’s in the 4th grade; and partly because of the amount of thoughtfulness. His response made it clear to me that he had thought a lot about this before I even asked the question.
Often I get frustrated by his repetitive bad choices. But his response again reminded me that as much as I get frustrated by his behaviour choices, I am not alone. He too is frustrated by his own behaviour choices. This isn’t a perspective I often think of or remember. I tend to fall into the category of getting upset with his intentional bad choices. The fact that he actually doesn’t always like his own choices doesn’t often occur to me. His ADHD often controls and leads his poor choices and I forget this. I forget sometimes that he’s come a long ways in his journey of self awareness and self control and emotional health. Yes, he has a long ways to go, but he’s come a far ways down his road already.
Back to his comment.
He replied to me that he loved horses and he was super excited to get to go to horse school. He said he also really wished I could go horse back riding with him again. And he then told me that he was happiest about his horse therapy classes because it would mean that when he finished he could return to Kung Fu and because he would be better able to control his emotions and actions he would have more fun and be able to finally get a new belt. Then he told me that his big plan was to do good in his class and learn to control his emotions and actions so he could succeed at Kung Fu and then he would get stronger and be happier and then he could go back in swimming lessons and he would be more successful than last time.
Part of me was shocked by his response. Part of me was proud. Part of me was sad. He carries the weight of his poor choices much more than I realized. He dislikes them as much or more than me. I just have to try to remember that when he’s in the middle of making one and I’m trying to help him not and his ODD is in high gear.
Anyone who knows me well knows that I’m not one who over praises my kids. Don’t get me wrong, I praise them for what they do. I just don’t over exaggerate or inflate their accomplishments. I feel strongly that it isn’t helpful or healthy for the child and the only one benefiting is the parent. And that is because the parent is selfishly getting their self esteem and pride from their children’s accomplishments, instead of their own.
I’ve tried really hard to be a real parent who allows her children to sink or swim all on their own merits. I’ve tried to allow my children opportunities to thrive and to soar. But I’ve also tried really hard to be honest in my praise and criticism. Contrary to popular opinion, not everyone can do anything they put their heart and mind to. I truly wish it were true, but it simply isn’t.
That being said, we’ve made so many sacrifices to give our children opportunities and to help them reach their potential. I will be honest though, we’ve also passed up on some other pretty amazing opportunities that have been offered our children. Like when Karyssa was 3 and she was scouted for ski racing and they were ready to exempt the age 5 rule for her. Or when Katie was scouted for the synchronized skating team, but we knew that we would never be able to afford the travel in 3 years time.
But, despite our passing on various opportunities we still managed to give our children plenty of opportunities to learn and try and thrive.
All this to say, In different ways every one of children has surpassed me. And I’m very proud of this!
Katarina has achieved her purple belt in kung fu. She can play the piano amazingly. She can pick up any sheet music and play the song. A skill I don’t have. She got perfect scores on her rhythm exams in band.
Karyssa has a heart that is empathic and she loves people. She can spot a person who is struggling and just goes to them. She is always quick to help and loves fully. She has long since passed my kung fu skills (which are none!) and piano skills (almost none). She can sit at the piano and make beautiful music and she can run around in band play the percussion amazingly! She has such potential which I can’t wait to see where it takes her!
Kianna is a joker. She can make almost anyone laugh. And her humour is wide and varied. She is sensitive to those around her who are alone or lonely. She knows how to love people well. She is already such an amazing young lady and I look forward to watching her find her wings and her gifts and soar!
Keilan is my little firecracker! He has shown me that anything is possible, and with enough work and dedication and commitment one can make real strides to conquer their struggles. He is the picture of grace and love and forgiveness. Sometimes we can’t see these gifts of his, they are covered up by other distractions. But, if you take the time and give him the space and opportunity and accept his struggles, you will see it. And it will leave you changed. His isn’t an easy life. He is so easily distracted and he has to work 100x harder than the rest of us to keep his focus and attention and to do remember to obey and not defy. But he will leave his mark on the world. I can see it already.
I am happy to see my children surpass me in their skills and abilities and become amazing people that will make a real difference in the world! I don’t care how smart my kids are, I never have. I care how caring and loving and kind they are. And all my kids have this in spades!