Twisted Glasses

Well in September I got a new phone and Jason didn’t set up my blog onto my phone until this weekend. So that’s the reason for the hiatus.

Today, something funny happened. It’s been happening on a regular basis lately, but now I’m just getting a kick out of it!

So there is someone who pretty much ignores me. I say hi, this person pretends I’m not there. Admittedly, I’m a people pleaser. So, at first this bothered me immensely! Like seriously a LOT!!!

But I watched this person do the same thing to someone else. Then I realized I actually didn’t even care. Why do I need someone to like me or acknowledge me? I don’t. As my husband pointed out we weren’t even ever really friends anyways.

So, I started making a game of it. Now I just am nice and kind and friendly, like always. BUT I am getting a kick out of watching this person try so hard to pretend not to see or hear me! I have gotten so many laughs, and laughing truly is good for the soul! All the wasted energy avoiding just a polite hello other goodbye! But I’m feeling great and laughing a lot! So I figure…Good on me!

This summer my mother in law had the opportunity to take a bible class from her brother at Millar College of the Bible, where he is a professor. In order for this to happen she needed transportation. I offered to take her. So Kianna and Keilan and I went to Pambrun Saskatchewan with my mother in law. The drive wasn’t too bad anyways.But the stay at her brother and sister in law’s was so great! They were terrific hosts and we had such a fantastic visit with them.As it turned out I ended up joining my mom and auditing the course with her. Uncle Ed was a great teacher and his course was really well done! As it turned out the college had sleepover sports camps so both kids attended one. Kianna did a volleyball camp and Keilan a sports camp. Both kids had a great time and learned a lot about God to, not to mention getting better at their sport. After the week there we leisurely drove north to green lake. Along the way we stopped to shop and at several very old churches that we saw. It was a pleasant drive full of talk and laughter! Seriously though, where do some people get the names they name of places! We had a lot of laughs for sure!Upon arriving here my mother in law’s sister and brother in law welcomes.ed is in their extremely generous fashion! The kids and I got to stay in the little cabin, which we absolutely love!Our uncle fixed up a couple bikes for the kids and took them quading. Kianna learned to drive one and she says she is a good driver!It is so fantastic to be with family who takes so much time to spend with us and the kids! The love and care we have gotten is amazing!

Well my last post was about how our youngest son wasn’t going to sleepover camp this year and how upset he was about it.

It was also about how upset I was about it too.

Fast forward….

I drove my mother-in-law to Saskatchewan to a tiny town so she could take a bible course this week that her brother was teaching. So kianna and keilan and I went with my mother in law and we are staying with her lovely brother and his wife.

To make a long story short, uncle Ed asked if my kids would like to go to sports camp this week. I assumed it was a church day daycamp.

Infact my uncle is a professor at Millar college of the Bible and the sports campus are sleepover camps.

So Kianna is in a week long volleyball camp. And Keilan is in a 3 day and 2 night sport camp. So he gets to sleep over. And he’s only a couple of blocks from where I’m staying.

I think it’s a perfect fit and he gets to go to camp.

So in the end it all worked out.

I haven’t written a blog in a long time. Frankly I haven’t written because often I find myself barely treading water, when it comes to raising Keilan.

The latest is keeping my son from summer sleepover camp. I think with the right support he could and would thrive. But, unlike with any of my other children, I have to think of every possible outcome with him. How will he possibly react to some unknown issue. How will people around him react to his reaction. Will the leaders around him be able to stop and bring him down from a reaction before it even happens, or will they react to it in a way that escalates him and his reaction.

This year I just don’t feel like he is in a place that I can send him to the sleepover camp. At least not with all of the leadership that is in place. The truth is his older brother is there too and he is as much of the problem as keilan is. Kieran just has a way of irritating Keilan and pushing him into a negative reaction. So, if Karyssa was at the camp volunteering I’d send him in a second. She can almost always calm him down. But with Kieran being there and the combination of certain leadership I just can’t send him.

Keilan is terribly disappointed and mad at me. And frankly it is yet another example of how being mom, teacher, advocate for him…sucks. I am the bad guy. I’m always the bad guy.

Many days I long to just be mom. No other hats. No other responsibilities. No other reasons to have to consider which make me always the bad guy.

So, here I sit…filled with guilt for decisions I am forced to make and really really don’t want to make. But afraid of the consequences of I don’t make these choices.

For our family this year has been a long one and a really fantastic one.  It has been full of firsts and milestones and highlights.

Our oldest son Kieran graduated from high school and also started Bible college.  He has successfully cash flowed and completed his first semester.  He is looking forward to working lots over Christmas break and cash flowing his second semester.  He has learned lots and grown.  In fact today he successfully gave his first communion meditation at church.

Katarina continues to play percussion and thrive in school.  She is on honor roll and does extremely well at school. She excels at everything she does.  She attained her purple belt in kung fu this spring and she is on course to have almost all of her requirements for graduation done by the end of this year.  This will allow her to take numerous university credit classes in her 12th grade year.

Karyssa has really come into her own and blossomed this year.   She too would be on honor roll, if it existed anymore.  She just successfully attained her purple belt in kung fu today.  She is also still playing percussion and we had the enjoyment of seeing her wonderful band concert last week.

Kianna has really grown this year in confidence ans skills.  She has gotten such a great handle on her school work and her hard work has paid off in her marks and confidence.  She is on school council and loves being a leader and helping to make decisions.

At the end of this school year we will also end our time there.  Our four oldest kids have gone through there.  We started in the school in 2002 when I started driving for the school.  So this year is full of many lasts there as well.  It is bittersweet to see my kids grow up and it will be sad to no longer be a part of this school community which has been such an enormous part of of lives for the last 15 consecutive years!

Keilan continues to home school.  He is super excited to have a real bedroom with a door and real walls.  He is always on the go and there is never a dull moment when he’s around!

As for our family in general…this year saw the death of my little black Honda.  But she had served us well and lived a very long life with over 400,000 km she didn’t owe us anything!

Sadly we lost Jason’s dad this spring.  But we have been able to spend more time with his mom.  And we had a terrific time visiting Jason’s aunt and uncle with his mom and we hope to go back again this year.

We also bought our first home.  We were able to build a home that suits our family perfectly and in a neighborhood that will be an amazing  place to live.  We LOVE our new home.  From the moment we moved in we felt at home.  We also built a full separate legal basement suite which Kieran and his friend live in.  It is great to be able to help our children to grow up in a safe way.

This year has been full of blessings and joy and yes sorrow too, but we are looking forward to 2018!