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Twisted Glasses

Words from a mom of 5 about parenting, keeping a household, working, being a wife and mother, and trying to keep my sanity through it all!

Coaching Soccer

June 18, 2013 by Christy Leave a Comment

It seems as though every activity your child is in requires you to volunteer in some capacity or other. It also seems like the people doing the volunteer positions are frequently treated poorly, while the expectations of their performance are unreasonably high.

Yet again this spring I volunteered to coach my son in the U6 soccer. I have coached 2x in U4, 2x in U8, and this is my second time doing U6. I signed up for the optional coach training and attended it eager for new ideas. I wanted to teach your children new skills, improve current skills, encourage their development, encourage teamwork, and give them a joy for the game of soccer

New ideas did come, and old ones returned too. However, regardless of what I do there seems to always be a parent who is unhappy with my coaching. We aren’t winning enough games, we aren’t strict enough, there isn’t enough “drills”, the kids aren’t improving enough, the list of complaints goes on and on. However, this parent is completely unwilling to coach themselves or help out in any way. Even the laying out of cones to make the border on the field is seemingly too much work.

Complaining, however, they can do by the bucketful. Never to my face, mind you, always just out of earshot. However, they forget that my children are numerous and have ears too.

So if you are a complainer and not a volunteer…be careful who you complain to and who’s listening nearby.

Maybe instead of complaining you could stop and ask me why I’m doing something a certain way. I’ll be more than happy to explain to you that we no longer do “drills” in soccer, but prefer games instead to teach your child skills. I’d also gladly explain that in every age group there is a full 2 year age difference between the oldest and youngest children on your child’s team. And I’d be happy to explain that everything I do is teaching the children a skill they use in soccer like: running, passing, throwing the ball, dribbling, challenging an opponent for the ball, kicking, drop kicking, heading, and simply not being afraid of the ball as it comes at them when they are goalie. But, the truth is, if you stopped complaining and just took a minute to actually watch your child’s team practice you would already know this.

Maybe next spring you can volunteer to coach your child’s soccer team, what do you think?

Filed Under: Rants & Ramblings Tagged With: coaching, complain, soccer, volunteering

School Supplies

June 18, 2013 by Christy Leave a Comment

Well yesterday my middle daughter brought home the first of her school supplies. So begins the sorting, chucking, and organizing of the used school supplies. Last year I found a trick to help me. Previously I have kept a sheet of paper documenting every usable school supply that comes home from each child, thus allowing me to purchase only the necessary items off their supply lists that I will find joyfully awaiting me as I pull out each child’s year-end report card! This year I have discovered the “memo” function on my blackberry. I now have a list at my fingertips of all our brand-new unused school supplies (left overs from back-to-school sales last summer), and I will add the supplies each child brings home. Making it simpler and easy to access at any time.

School Supplies

Three years ago I began doing something that many people think is crazy. That is, I go school supply shopping on the evening of the last day of school. For me I find this is incredibly freeing. I am still in the “school” mode and I have to sort their supplies anyway. This way just let’s me get home that night, label everything and pack it away in bags for the first day of school in September. The dreaded task is complete and I don’t have to think about it again until September!

I absolutely HATE fighting the crowds of parents diving for the last bottle of $.25 white glue and digging through the shelves for a cahier that is half blank and half lined that has been mixed in with all the blank ones and the lined ones! And the mom’s trying to scratch items off a list and figure out what they’ve forgotten – only to realize the graph paper they need is special graph paper that they have to go to another store to get.

I sat down and figured out how much money I ACTUALLY saved on the sales and realized it was only about $10 a child (I reuse absolutely EVERYTHING I can! And if one child doesn’t need it and another one does it gets shuffled around). I then decided that I could estimate how much basic supplies I would need the following year, stocking up, and thus avoiding the back-to-school panic.

So when I realized I could avoid the stress and not cost too much more money I decided to try shopping the day after school was out. I tried it, LOVED it, and now do it every year!

Imagine…no line-ups, no crowds, no noisy children, no complaining children that there aren’t any more blue binders and they just have to have a blue one…

That’s my back-to-school school supply shopping trip. I go alone, take my time, and enjoy an hour or so alone before the summer sets in. Then I go home, put on a movie of my choosing, and label till the cows come home. Then we put the bags of neatly sorted, labelled school supplies away in the back basement ready to grab and go on the first day of school.

Last year I paid about $10 extra for this little piece of sanity. Well worth it, if you ask me!

Filed Under: Parenting Tips Tagged With: parenting, school supplies, tips, tricks

Dreaded Chores

June 18, 2013 by Christy Leave a Comment

Here I stand, in my bathroom, typing on my blackberry. All the while I am “letting the spray cleaner soak” the tub and tile on my final part of the 3rd bathroom I must clean. I really could just take 3 steps and finish the dreaded task, but I find my will to do so is completely gone – vanished. That is if it ever was there at all! I KNOW I simply MUST finish this chore, I should have done it yesterday, but I just can’t seem to will myself to just do it.

You see several months ago we were having some MAJOR chore completion issues. Each family member had a certain set of chores that were always their’s to complete. However, the completion of said chores was minimal at best and more and more was left to me. I, needless to say, was unhappy with this result and decided to do something about it.

I sat down and wrote down every single chore, large and small, I could think of that I wanted accomplished. Then I wrote beside each the number of times I wanted it completed each week. Finally I wrote out a chart, the days of the week at the top, the chores for each day across the side, and blank spaces to fill in the names of each family member who would take on that chore.

Then I called a family meeting. I sat everyone down and told them I was working really hard and was too busy to do everything around the house. I also told them I presumed that no one was really happy with the current chores because they were no longer getting accomplished. I told them to each think about their week and think of all their activities (such as piano, dance, kung fu, etc.) and when I called out chores on their busy days they could choose easier chores, and on their less busy days harder ones. Thus spreading the chore load evenly. Also I told them to keep in mind their skills and abilities because some chores simply couldn’t be done by a 4 year old.

So I called out a day of the week and went through the list until we became stumped and no one would choose the chore. Then we continued to the next day, until all 7 days were completed. Then I went back and chose some of the more unpleasant chores (cleaning the 3 bathrooms 2x a week; dog poop 3x a week; etc) and we finally went back and more or less assigned the remaining few chores to those whose lists were perhaps a tad “lighter” than they should be.

Finally we ended the meeting by explaining that every week the chores were accomplished more or less without too much reminding, complaining, or nagging we would credit the children $20. The “credit” would go towards Jason building them a new second computer for the 5 kids to share. (Of course we told them they would need appx $800 to get the computer and jason figured it would cost $400; we also didn’t tell them that we had planned to get another computer soon because come september we have 2 jr high students and getting homework accomplished has been more and more difficult; nevermind everyone getting their “time” on the computer.)

So this new chore assignment has worked fairly well. But my chores are the unpleasant ones, and I REALLY don’t want to do them! I find myself absolutely willing myself to do them, and then only able to do so because I believe I can’t get upset with the kids for not doing their chores if I don’t do mine!

So here I am putting off the completion of the final bathroom, I guess I just have to DO IT! Unfortunately when I finish the bathtub I still have to vacuum upstairs…oh well I guess I had better get at it because in 20 minutes I need to leave to drive the bus again…..

Filed Under: Parenting Tips, Rants & Ramblings Tagged With: chores, parenting, tips, tricks

Growing Up

June 17, 2013 by Christy Leave a Comment

I have had the utter blessing of being able to stay home with my children. Yes, I do work – about 30 hours a week. However, because I have been a school bus driver for the last almost 11 years I have brought my children with me everywhere I go. They ride the bus and I drive it. I tell them they’re working too. It can be challenging, especially when they are small keeping them in their car seat for an hour or two while I “work”. However, we’ve always made lots of stops at playgrounds, rivers, paths, and parks along the way.

I have been able to earn an income and parent my children at the same time. None of my 5 children have ever been in daycare or a day-home. I have been able to watch them and work. I have been blessed to drive my elementary children to and from school everyday with their friends. It has been the perfect job.

This morning I was at the park playing with my almost 5 year old when I realized that my days with a child at home were quickly drawing to an end. In 9 days school is out, my other children home for the summer, and so I have only 9 days of my youngest son all to myself.

Growing Up

I have treasured this past year when I had only one child left at home and could dote on him a bit more. After all he’s never before had me to himself. Now there’s 9 days left…

Don’t get me wrong, I am not a helicopter parent. I am not overly sad when my children move on to kindergarten. It’s their time, and they are ready for that next step. However, this is my last step; I too have a next step. I am super excited to be able to help even more at school, to be a volunteer reader, and to attend the older kids’ field-trips without a young child accompanying me or my having to not go because of a younger child.

I will have free mornings for the first time in 14.5 years. Filling them will be easy. But I will miss my little ones as they grow up…sometimes way to slowly; sometimes way to fast!

Filed Under: Rants & Ramblings Tagged With: growing up, life, parenting, working

What I wish someone had told me about working, being married, and being a mom

June 13, 2013 by Christy Leave a Comment

The following are the notes from my session at Pine Lake Christian Camp, Ladies Retreat 2013.  I had a number of people ask me for these.  Over the next few months I will probably write further articles detailing some of the aspects I have discussed briefly here.

What I wish someone would have told me…

My mother and I are not as close I wish we were, we never have been.  The older I get the more things I discover that I wish my mom or someone else had taught me.  Granted I was probably not the best student and was probably resistant to the teaching my mom tried to give me.  I wish that I had the relationship with my mother to be able to ask her advice and seek her opinions.  However, we are 2 very different people.  I parent in some ways much as she and my dad parented me and my siblings; and in some ways perhaps very differently.  The following is simply a thoughtful compilation of the things that I have learned and found most helpful along the way of my adult life over the past 20 years as I’ve moved away from home, gone to college, gotten married, had 5 children, and been a wife and working mother.

Saving Money

  • Start an RESP for each child as soon as they are born, no matter how small.
  • Make own laundry soap less than $7 for 5 gallons – takes 10 minutes.

Babies

  • They need far less than you think.  They just want you.  Don’t be afraid to hold them.

Cooking

  • Why cook one meal when you can cook 2 or 3 for very little extra work.  Eat the one meal and freeze the others.
  • Reheat later from frozen at a lower temp…say 325°F for 3 hours.
  • When you buy hamburger precook it and freeze in portions in freezer bags.  It makes meal making so much quicker!
  • Make huge pots of soup and can – super cheap and easy meals later
  • Make own jam, it’s really easy, cheap, and healthy
  • Digitize our favourite recipes.  It’s easy to find the recipe you are looking for, lets you get rid of a bunch of unneccessary cook books, and allows you to easily pass the recipes your family loves onto your kids
  • Soup and jam make great cheap teacher gifts

Shopping

  • Shop at the end of the season for the next year.  I recently bought $60 winter boots for $5
  • Always take hand me downs.  Go through them and pass along those you don’t want.
  • Buy in bulk, use coupons, shop by the sales, and stock up.
  • Keep a list of what you’ve already bought so you don’t forget later.  I keep lists in the memo section on my blackberry
  • Buy gifts ahead as you find things on clearance or sale and set aside
  • “No name” brand is great most of the time, but ketchup is Heinz all the way!
  • Choose what works for you and your family and your schedule to save money.
  • I always buy dresses a size or 2 too big so that my girls get more wear out of them
  • I never buy white, because it doesn’t stay white!  However, I have friends who swear by white clothes!

Other Parents

  • Ignore the bragging of other parents of children your child’s age.  Remember all milestones have a broad range of “normal”
  • Also try to brag about your child in a way that won’t make other parents feel bad and brag honestly
  • If your sister calls to tell you her 4 month old is swimming, actually swimming and you have a 5 year old who is scared of water over her armpits and petrified of the deep end…ask for a video. When as in my case it proves to be true, be happy for her and then show your child and the humiliation of her baby cousin showing her up will accelerate her desire to swim!  LOL!
  • Also remember boys and girls are not the same so if you have a son and your son is a busy little guy and your friend has a girl who is a little angel and sits quietly colouring while your son eats the crayons; don’t fret its normal!

Grandparents

  • Grandparents can be well intending, but their child rearing ideas aren’t yours.  Don’t be afraid to say “no” and don’t feel like you have to sacrifice your values to appease them.  Stay firm and kind.  But you are the parent, they the grandparent and they will have to learn to respect this boundary.  We had to stop visiting my in-laws for a while because my father-in-law wouldn’t respect our desire to keep our children in a smoke free environment and so smoke outside when we visited.  This was a very hard decision for us but a very important one.  We didn’t make it lightly and spent much time in prayer and discussion before making it.  It ended well.  Jason’s dad was diagnosed with diabetes a few months later and quit smoking so our solution was found.

Husband

  • Love him always
  • Love has it’s seasons, it takes a lot of work to keep it healthy, but it can always be rejuvenated with some work
  • Put him first, find ways to spend time together especially when the kids are small and it’s so hard!
  • I’ve been married 17 years and by far the hardest times in our marriage were when the kids were babies and toddlers.  Sleep deprivation and very needy little ones can put a lot of stress on people.  Relax, take a breath, and realize this will pass – and it will happen a lot sooner than you think, but at the time it may seem like forever!

Toddlers

  • Distraction and food are the 2 best solutions to a temper tantrum or meltdown

School age

  • Buy a good quality backpack, it’ll last for years and save you a ton of money.  Our son has had his MEC backpack for 7 years and it’s still in great shape.  Plus it only cost $25.

Nurturing/Attachment

  • I believe strongly in allowing the baby to attach and have full access to the parents.  I held my babies, carried them, wore them, and they slept in our bed.  It was a tremendous amount of work in the first few years, but my kids are quite independent, secure, well-adjusted children.

Work

  • It is frequently necessary for both parents to work.  Think about what hours would work best for your family.  I wanted to be with my kids as much as possible so I chose school bus driving.  I actually love my job and have been doing it for over 10 years.  If you can find a job you love then it’ll be so much better for everyone!

2nd Child

  • The second child is the hardest one to adjust to, the first has been an only child and has had you all to themself and now has to learn to share. Number 3 is a breeze, you’ve done it before and so have your kids J

Housework

  • Truly housework will wait, but the babies will not and you don’t want a clean toilet and a miserable baby!
  • Try to relax and accept the mess will not always be there, and the time now with the kids is irreplaceable! I have certainly not mastered this and am mortified of people seeing my messy home!
  • A friend of mine made a cleaning schedule several years ago, but I thought she was a bit crazy for scheduling her cleaning.  I tried it recently and found it works great for me!  It is actually very freeing!

Bible Teaching/Biblical Rearing

  • To me this is my most important task in child rearing as it effects their future!
  • Bible stories and devotions are important, but teaching in the moment is by far the most Important.  This shows our kids that we live our faith and teaches them to do the same.
  • Everything I do it seems reflects back from to this value of Bible teaching, My volunteering also often reflects this as it very important to me so I do whatever I can to help attain this.

Vacations/child activities

  • Your kids don’t have to be in every activity and they don’t have to stay in every activity.  Interests change and sometimes we discover that certain activities aren’t as suited to our child as we had hoped.  I make my children finish off a session to teach them the importance of commitment.
  • Let your kids help plan your vacation, let them have input
  • Buy annual or season passes to places like the zoo or science center so you can have plenty of fun and not need any money in our pocket to do it.  I like to be out and keep the kids busy.  Busy kids are tired kids and tired kids go to bed better! Besides I go stir crazy quickly!
  • I buy a guest pass whenever possible for Jason’s pass so I can bring a friend on my outings with the kids if I want to.
  • I try to make summer vacation fun and plan activities for 3 of the 5 days of the week.

Shoes/Clothing

  • Never turn down hand-me-downs and shop end of season

“Necessary” baby stuff

  • Sling or baby carrier – absolutely essential
  • Blankets
  • Receiving blankets
  • Car seat
  • Stroller that works on the terrain you frequent
  • Everything else isn’t necessary, but extras.  If you can get them free then take them, if you have to buy them then try to borrow them first to see if your baby will even like it! (i.e. swing)

Safety

  • Helmets
  • Car seats
  • Make sure you buy certified quality equipment. Your child’s life can literally depend on it.
  • If your child drops or throws their helmet check it carefully for any tiny cracks.  If there are any, throw it away.  Even if it kills you to be so “wasteful” your child’s safety is more important than the cost of a new helmet!

Exercise

  • Find ways to exercise and spend time with your child.  Try jogging with the stroller, or just a walk in the park.

Travel

  • Don’t be afraid to travel just because you have small kids. Just be prepared, have a bag of toys and games and paper and crayons.  Change of clothes.  And some food snacks.
  • Nothing passes time better than finger snacks.

Family

  • Make sure to work hard to create the nucleus family you want

Sibling Relationships/ Sibling Rivalry

  • My goal is that my kids would be best friends as grown-ups.
  • This means that everything I do is leading to this goal.
  • I remind them of this often!

Bedrooms

  • Shared or own
  • Some kids like to be in a room alone,  the privacy is important to them
  • Some kids don’t like to be alone or are scared of the dark and so would like to share a room
  • I actually have some of each.

Mentors

  • Find someone you look up to who can mentor you and come alongside you in a Godly way guide you and help you as you need it when raising your kids.  Someone who can give you wisdom because they’ve been there.  You should like their children as they are the result of their parenting.

Relationship with God

  • Don’t neglect this.
  • When you have a healthy relationship with the Lord everything else goes so much better!

Giving Back

  • Kids will learn to do this by example.  So do it yourself and give them opportunities to do it to.  Before you know it they will be finding opportunities to give back and we will be aiding them

Home Size/Yard Size

  • When looking for a home we had to determine which was more important the home size or yard size. For us it has always been yard size.  I want my kids to be outside as much as possible.

Prayer

  • Do it unceasingly
  • Teach your kids to pray and to have faith that their prayers will be answered
  • Teach your kids that God answers prayers I unexpected ways.  Sometimes it’s “yes”, sometimes “no”, sometimes “not right now”, sometimes “later”.  We are not God and he can see everything and has our best interests at heart.  We have to believe this and trust Him.

Making your family a “team”

  • I find that the best way to unify the kids together and lower the fighting is to have a common goal, we are a “team”.  We even call ourselves that.  As a team we all look out for each other and work together and it makes the fighting decrease and the fun increase.  We all have the same goals this way.

Patience

  • You can never have enough patience and you never will.  Just keep going, keep trying, and don’t give up!

Mistakes/Forgiveness

  • Realize we all make mistakes, constantly.  That’s part of our being human.  We need to forgive ourselves and we need to apologize to our children and ask their forgiveness.  We need to model forgiveness for our children and teach them we are human and we make mistakes too.

“Rewarding” your children

  • I used to think that people who “bribed” their children were crazy.  Now I prefer to call it rewarding.  Sometimes, especially when we are in public the use of “rewards” is necessary to bring our child onside and not to embarrass us with their behaviour.   I don’t use this technique too often, but it is a definite must in certain circumstances.  I am not embarrassed to use it, because it almost always works!  I have one son who I find I use this with more than any of my other 4 children combined.  He is the youngest, has the strongest will, the most determination, and the loudest most defiant scream.  Once he gets something in his head he is like a Rottweiler and there is no convincing him he is wrong.  He has arguments for everything you tell him.  I don’t want to deal with this is public, so I choose to sometimes give in and deal with it later.  But make no mistake, I do deal with him later in private (usually the van!J).  I don’t want to raise a spoiled child, even if in the moment it appears I am doing that very thing!

“Baby Talk” vs. talking with your kids

  • I chose not to use “baby talk”, except when I liked how my child said a particular word, and wanted to hear them say it again for the cute factor.  I would push the stroller or walk with the baby in the sling carrying on full conversations with the baby.  I guess I believe we all learn by example so may as well be a good one!

“Sex” talk

  • I have always told my kids everything about sex.  The bonus of having 5 kids is that we were always looking at books to see what the baby looked like each day.  I have always been frank with my kids, upfront, and used proper words.  The older they get the bolder the conversations.  I don’t want them getting their information from their friends.  I believe sex is good, but a sacred thing within marriage and I want my kids to know this and to know why I believe this so we talk about it every opportunity we get.

Spouse as a “helpmate”

  • I’ve learned that although my husband is more than happy to help with all my crazy ideas, plans, dreams, and visions…I have to ASK him, not “volun-tell” him!

Have Fun/Be Silly

  • Sing silly songs, play silly games
  • You don’t have to listen to children’s music all the time.  I mostly listen to my music, and sometimes to theirs.  This teaches them they aren’t the centre of the world and it keeps me from going mental!

Create new Family Traditions

  • We have season “fairies” who bring things for the children much like Santa.  Leave notes encouraging them to be good friends, etc.   The Tooth Fairy puts food colouring in a glass of water to show what colour her dress or outfit is.  The leprechauns colour our milk green.  We have an annual scavenger Easter egg hunt where the kids work together to solve the riddles and we go for a surprise date (used to be the Chocolate Bar, unfortunately they are no longer in business) afterwards.
  • Our traditions have evolved over time and the kids love these!
  • Some have come into existence for various reasons.  Early on we loved the idea of Santa but felt he took away from the Birth of Jesus at Christmas so we celebrated instead St Nicholas on Dec 6.  It has both the teaching and the “magic” we wanted.  The Fairies were to add a little “magic” to our lives for fun!

Don’t discount the “Little” things

  • I think the “little things” to us are often the “big things” to our kids.  Remember this.
  • Sometimes we have to take time from doing the laundry or dishes to untangle the 20 cent parachute guy!  Telling them “in a minute, just a sec…” etc. isn’t how we want them to remember us, take a minute or 5 to do their “important” task and then get back to yours, this is the stuff relationships are built on.
  • There are never enough hours in a day and no matter what you do there never will be.  So if this is true, then you may as well take the time with your child!

See Life “through” your kids’ eyes

  • To them everything is full of excitement, wonder, curiosity, even fear.  Some of the things we think are normal they find huge and fearful.  Like Kianna who was petrified of the ocean, and the sand this summer.  Everything was too big, enormous too much for her to deal with.

Consider if the “rule” is really necessary or can it be bent or even eliminated

  • Sometimes we have rules for reasons that seem good, or maybe because we think the rule is expected, or we had that rule.  As our child is pushing against the rule we should consider it from their perspective and consider if the rule is necessary or at least necessary in that circumstance in that moment.  My youngest has a way of pushing and questioning the rules.  He’s persistent and knows how to reason and is like a dog with a bone, he’ll never give up!  He believes he’s always right!  The truth is sometimes he has valid points!

Let them have freedom in small amounts and at a reasonable age

  • Be assured they will grow up and will get their freedom.  I worry if we don’t give them freedom in small manageable doses then when they take it it will take over them.  When Kieran was 8 I let him ride his bike to the bakery a few blocks away and buy our bread when we ran out.  First he had cash, later my bank card.  Some thought I was crazy…One parent saw him from his class and phoned me to tell me that it was poor parenting and unsafe for him.  However, I stand by my decision and give my kids’ the amount of freedom I am comfortable with.  This varies from child to child depending on their maturity and personality and persistence!

Let Them Problem Solve and let them try out their solutions

  • I want my children to be able to solve their own problems, even when I’m not there to help them.  The solutions they come up with often surprise me, sometimes astonish me.  Sometimes I question if it’ll work but their solutions often despite their lack of contemporariness work.  And the confidence it gives them is astonishing!

Don’t Stop Living

  • I have done more stuff since my kids have been born than I ever did before I had them.  I have always taken my kids with me, skiing with a baby in a backpack; hiking up a mountain with a baby in a backpack; swimming with a baby on my hip, one in the swimming sling, and one holding my hand; try a parented toddler gymnastic class with a baby in the bjorn; travelling across Canada for 4 weeks with the 5 kids, 3 weeks all by myself with the kids….

Take time to actually listen and Hear them

  • Sometimes I find that I have repeated them back to them but missed what they were trying to tell me.  I heard the words, but not the meaning.  Listening, putting down the phone, looking them in the eye and hearing them.

Date Your Kids

  • I try to take each of our kids out on a “date” regularly.  They love the one on one time, they ask for it.  I love it too. I get to know them better.  And they have first-hand proof of how important they are to me!

Talk to them – explain “Why”

  • I have found that by explaining “why” to the kids from a very young age it has stopped a lot of temper tantrums, although not as many as I’d have liked!  It also makes them realize that I am not always a dictator and it gives them the opportunity to come back to me with a reason why they should be able to do it….My youngest is actually the best at this.  The kid just can’t take no and will use his problem solving skills to try to get me change my thinking to his, and he has stamina and dedication!
  • My kids can ask questions and argue my rule, but it must be done respectfully!

Pets

  • Remember ultimately if Johnny doesn’t clean the snake cage, you will.  Choose wisely!

Chores

  • Give the kids age appropriate chores and don’t expect perfection.
  • Encourage them and cheer their accomplishments
  • Don’t be afraid to change it up if it’s not working.

Schools

  • Know your child, find out your choices, tour the school, meet the principal, the principal will make or break the school
  • Consider making your teachers’ gifts or doing a “class” gift and collecting $5 from each student’s parents and buying one nice gift at say a salon

Volunteering

  • Don’t stop, but be realistic
  • Only do what you’re passionate about
  • Your time is limited use it wisely

Friends – your child’s

  • Make friends with your child’s friends parents
  • They’ll understand when you need a listening ear as their child is in the same age and stage

Friends – Yours

  • Don’t lose them
  • Still spend time with them

Love Languages

  • Know them and what your child’s or spouse’s is and use it
  • Touch, Words of affirmation, Help, Gifts, Time
  • Remember use all the languages, but each person has one that speaks louder to them

Date Nights

  • Make them, keep them
  • Use variety

Babysitters

  • Find one and pay them well and use them frequently
  • Feed them and make their life easy so they’ll be available when you need them

Independence

  • Leave extra time so they can get ready themselves and you’re not late – hopefully
  • Teach them the 4 food groups, provide healthy choices and let them make their own lunch

Mother’s Instinct

  • Trust it
  • But follow it respectfully and kindly, and  it’ll take you further

Stand up for your child

  • Stand up for your child when necessary
  • Stand with your child and teach him to stand on his own – problem solve
  • Even with adults!

Character Building

  • Think about what character traits you want your child to have as an adult.  Write them down and think about what you need to do to get your child to learn these characteristics and to make them a part of their own individual personality.  Some of the character traits I find important are:
  • Kindness, Compassion, Generosity, Hard work, Empathy, Faithful, Loyal, Selflessness
  • Work on teaching these character traits to your child.  Example is the best teacher, as is using everyday normal life situations.

Goals

  • Have goals, a life plan and a vision

Help

  • Don’t be afraid to ask for help and accept help when offered as a gift with “thanks”
  • My 4 year old likes to unfasten his seat belt.  One day he unfastened it 5x while I was driving.  I took him to the police station and asked the constable for help reinforcing the unacceptability of this behaviour.  Once she understood what I was asking she was happy to talk sternly to him.  She made him her police helper.  And he does his seat belt unfastening a lot less.

Life Lessons

  • Teach them to do laundry, dishes, sweep and mop, vacuum – so that when they grow up they aren’t slobs – hopefully.
  • Teach them to ride a bike
  • Teach them to swim
  • Teach them to problem solve
  • Teach them to ask for help (after they have tried to problem solve) – humility is a great trait!
  • Teach them to follow directions, take and give directions, and to pay attention to where they are going and how they got there
  • Teach them to pay attention to the details
  • Hair grows back, tattoos and piercings are permanent
  • Read to your kids.  When they get to a certain age all of them will enjoy listening to an exciting novel – mine are 4, 7, 9, 11, and 14 and have been good for about a year.
  • Eyes and teeth can be examined even before their first birthday
  • As you drive, talk to your kids about the road signs you see.  Teach them what they are and how to obey them.  The more the kids know the road signs and see them the safer they’ll be, they have to follow them as pedestrians and bikers anyways!

Misc.

  • If you have family that lives nearby and will watch your children and love them that is an awesome blessing.  However if you don’t it is ok to make your own family.  Make friends in your church who can be the grandparents on a regular basis that your children may not have because of the location of your birth family, we have no family within 5 hours.  However, we have church friends who we can call on in a pinch.  When life gives you lemons, make lemonade J
  • Parenting is very hard work, perhaps the hardest job you will ever do.  However, life’s greatest rewards usually come from our hardest work.  And likewise parenting will probably bring you more joy and fulfilment than anything else in your life!
  • When my children are all grown up, it is my intent to still be happily married.  I don’t want to be one of those women who wakes up one day to find my children are grown and moved away and I am living with a stranger.  I am doing all I can to prevent this from happening!  As important as my kids are to me, my husband came before them and will be there after them.  I am doing my best to ensure that, my husband and I are best friends now, just as we were when we got married, and will be until we are separated by death.  Divorce isn’t an option, but neither is living an unhappy life.
  • Do what you need to do to look after yourself, your relationship with the Lord, your marriage, and your children.  But never forget you are not alone, there are other women out there walking the same walk as you.  Everyone needs a “friend” and the best way to get the “friend” you need is to be the “friend” you need.

Filed Under: Family Activities, Parenting Tips Tagged With: children, family, marriage, motherhood, tips, tricks, work

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